Thursday, November 26, 2009 @ 11:03 pm
silvia, u must stop being so prickly to everyone. sighs. something is seriously wrong with me.
signs i've gone mad:
1) scolded a certain annoying adult for being such a damn business bastard. that's the first time i scolded some1 so rudely in my whole entire life, and i just feel so bad about it now. though i'm not gonna apologise.
2) first time i'm giving silent anger treatment to anyone. usually i talk about what i'm pissed about, but now i dun bother anymore. that makes me look like i'm a fake. but i'm not. i'm just so sick, and so tired, of people.
3) i bought wine today. aussie red wine. 1st time i bought alcoholic drink on my own, usually some family member buys it. i really wanted alcohol so badly today. walked past alcohol section of the supermarket. and usually i just walk past, but i stopped by today. needed some relaxant. see, bad sign. i need stimulants.
4) on my way back i wish that everyone, everyone in this place would just disappear. i've never wished for mass human disappearance before.
5) i was mean to some ppl. not intentionally. just somehow i blurted hurtful stuffs. coz i dun like them. but seriously i didn't need to be mean. i was just lazy to be nice. this is so weird. since when did i get tired of being nice?
what's happening to me?
i can't wait to get out of here. i need to wash this place out of my system. damn i need to start trusting in people again. but it doesn't help that the first advice i received when i stepped on this land is, "Dun trust anyone on this soil." and it doesn't help that the people around me are drunkards, unfaithful partners, sex-addicts, thieves, copy cats, I DUNNO WHAT THE HELL THEY ARE!!!! damn. i wish for one genuine person to apparate before my eyes right now. okay. need to cast my net wide. but damn i dun feel like making the effort. i've become so lazy so tired of everything. i must not fall into depression.
chocolate chocolate chocolate. wine wine wine. chocolate and wine. no. cannot.
get a grip on urself, tanumiharjo. save urself.