Saturday, November 21, 2009 @ 6:01 pm
bad days come and go, so why feel so low? the night is just a part of the day, so why fear? this life is just a rollercoaster ride, with its ups and downs. a safe toy like any other, tended by the loving hands of God. i'm sad and i'm happy. such is life.
random things of the day:
1. went for some audition for some new year party. my class sang 'we are the world' by MJ. they replaced all the words of 'god' that appeared in lyrics with some other words. coz apparently the Arabs in my class didn't like the word god. and i was thinking to myself, "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet."- William Shakespeare. does it really matter if it's God or Allah or Lao Mu? maybe it does, to many people. but to me it no longer matters. we all speak of a Creator, a higher being. and the word by which we refer to that being does not wholly refer to the Creator, but brings with it a whole school of ideology and religion. how u call the Creator shows which religion u belong to, but doesn't show anything peculiar to the Creator. i might get shot for saying all of these. but *shrugs* i just dun believe in religious insitutions anymore, though i do have a religion. it's like the colour of our skin. hahaha. its shade speaks of where u come from, and a lot of generalisations about that place and that race.
2. during that audition, a lot of classes put up skits (super sub-standard ones) revolving around being doctors. none of them are value-adding. acting skills are worse than primary school's musicals. i was there, sitting on the chair, and thinking to myself, they are sure PROUD that they're medicine students. and i think it's becoming an arrogance, and that they think that the word DOCTOR would naturally lift them up to be higher than the average human.yes they are thieves in this medicine cohort. there are people who copy people's exam answers. and i go, so these are the so-called 'MEDICINE' students? not impressive. i look at the people around me and i just sigh, seriously, why bother?. not that i'm any better than them. but it's just that i see that arrogance, that egoism, and i just feel like bursting their bubbles one by one. so what if u're studying to be a doctor? so what if ur job has got to do with curing diseases? it certainly doesn't mean that u're on any higher level. remember that u dun have any control over people's lifes. remember that u're ALSO only human.
3. went to vegetarian resto that i frequent. for the first time ever, the waitress spoke to me while clearing my table. she said, "u always order these dishes when u come. and also XXX, YYY and occasionally ZZZ. u dun come here often, just 2 or 3 times a month. are u vegetarian? are u local?" i went yeah, i live very far so i dun come here often. yup, am vegetarian. nope, not local (notice that i always come here alone). inside, i was like, i order these dishes only coz they're easy to bring home and heat up in the measly rice cooker. hahahahha. but really, i was surprised. i'm not sure if it was a pleasant surprise. coz for the first, first time, i realised that i've left a dent in this turbulent, crazy, sprawling city. maybe i should be pleased that my presence is felt by someone in the vastness of this country. but instead i felt a little sad, coz i am no longer the anonymous, lone and free foreign student. i dun want to leave a memory anywhere in this new place, coz i enjoy my freedom too much. i dun want the waitress to think that oh, she'll come here pretty often. i dun want the waitress to know my preference of dishes, or my eating habits. i want to be unknown, unremembered. coz it feels free that way, coz i dun feel i have any strings attached. i like that place only coz the service and the food are good. but maybe i'd like it less because the service is TOO good. hahahahaha. ironies. i've gone mad, haven't i? but i guess i'll continue going there, coz the food and the service are good. but next time, i'll order other dishes. and another type of tea. and eat 10 bowls of rice. do something different. so she would know that she doesn't really know me after all. then yay, string broken. i've gone mad, haven't i?
i think soon the italian resto would rmb me too. as the girl who always orders vegetable lasagne+ irish coffee. time to change dish. woots. change drink. order dessert and appetiser too. make a scene. hahahahaha.
i've been thinking. maybe i'm remembered only because i go dine in all these places alone. and i'm usually the only customer in the house who has no1 to sit with. and perhaps because i always look so comfortable and so satisfied being alone, like it's the only natural thing to do in the world. but well, why surround myself with people? and feel lonely amongst people? that's even sadder than being physically alone. right? so here i am, more alone than ever. i do find that i'm anti-social. i've been given too much freedom, and now i'm addicted to it.
snail baby snail, crawl out of your shell.
4. was at the bus stop today waiting for the bus that never came. but other buses came, each carrying with it a number of uni students, dressed in suits. girls in pantsuits *coz it's winter, skirts are suicide*, guys in those suits, tie and all. black shoes. some patent leather. and i didn't find any fitting suit on any1. not that the suits are cheap and bad and lousy. some of them are well-tailored. however, they hung loose on the wearer's body. maybe it's coz the people here tend to be scrawny. but then, i find the looks on their faces even scrawnier (does this word exist?). anyway, it's funny, watching them walking around. trying to LIVE UP to their suits by putting on this confident look, and trying to walk in strides. but in fact, it all looked so phoney. most of them certainly didn't bring up the charm of formal attire. i think, the suits only showed how inadequate they are of quiet, collected confidence. the confidence that can take on the world. the confidence that charms the world.
there were instances when certain people walked past my shoulders, and they made me turn around. not because they were good-looking, nor big shots, nor pickpockets. just that in those instances, i felt like there is this wave of confidence and charm brushing past me. i never remembered the faces of these people, just the feeling of the wind that they brought.
me, i have no wind. just gas. -farts- hahahahaha.