Wednesday, April 29, 2009 @ 11:36 am
i'm so not about to get internet connection in my home... internet is so troublesome down here. must have this buy that do this get that. i'm kinda getting sick of trying to get internet connection. and internet connection at internet cafe is like 100Mbps (?!) argh. i feel so marginalised by internet. and i feel so out of touch with my frens =((((((((((((((((
i realise that it's no use having a driving license and being able to drive when i actually have no frens to hang out with and i dunno my way around town. i'm pathetic, and very extremely bored. i'm in a serious lack of books to read i might just buy the whole bookshop down. i think i'm going to buy that new paulo coelho book. i'm book-thirsty, friend-thirsty, internet-thirsty. sians.
btw, i'm going to china for uni (yawn) and school starts in OCTOBER. that's like a zillion months from now. time crawls so slowly.............. i think i need to occupy myself even more. i should learn a 3rd language, grow a 3rd arm, get a temporary boyfriend, dance until i die, grow muscles (i'm considering of joining fitness, seeing i have 5 months left here.), eat a lot, read finish Campbell, rot to death, sew more clothes, take care of my grandparents, drive around town like i'm driving a roller coaster. GROAN...............i should go find a cure for pig flu. that should take me 5 lifetimes, not 5 months. hmm. good way to spend time. and it seems like China's not going to be my final destination (sighs). I'm getting tired of being a nomad.
things i'm looking forward to when i'm living alone in china:
1. i want to see how i fare living alone, being totally independent.
2. wearing fall/winter fashion (MUAHAHAHAHA)
3. having my own room
4. making new frens with more international students.
5. experiencing the harshness/ beauty of 4 seasons.
i'm missing a lot of people. yes, i take back my words on not missing people. groan. someone please visit me in the bleakness and mundaneness of my lifestyle.
ok, enough of complaining. time to actually put some substance in this blog entry.
it seems that she is losing her ability to balance. it's cruel how Alzheimer's is, painfully slowly sapping the life out of a loved one. and there's nothing to be done about it. and watching life run out, like water dripping from a leaky tank, is heart-wrenching. and day after day goes by, and the water keeps running from an unmendable leak, and i'm just watching helplessly. i'm getting more and more immune to the idea of Death happening, when the soul leaves and we cease to breathe, cease to beat. but i'm not so immune to the idea of Death circling above like a hawk, waiting for the moment to strike. and knowing that i might not be present when death strikes leaves me even more helpless. roar.