Sunday, February 08, 2009 @ 4:23 pm
ok i broke my promise. i forgot to bring the harddisk today to upload pics coz my mind is so so so chaotic now. let's start with the less stressful updates. like yes i haven't finished my 2nd dress yet, and i hate it that i have no internet connection at home so i can't catch up with my frens. i really want to catch up with u all.... the prob with being a migrant student is that u either have family OR frens with mutually exclusive presence. so u have one but never the other. that is if u have migrated since u were really tiny. so i'm with family but no frens. but anyway i'm fine with the present situation, making the best out of the time that has been rationed for my family, mainly my parents.
i'm getting a glib tongue as a side effect because i have to talk to customers into buying things sometimes. my uncle (not abel) is right, interacting with customers provides the best training for patience. i dun like the customers who lie to haggle for an impossibly low price that's sometimes below cost price. sometimes it gets really dirty, their lies, and i get irritated but forced not to show it until i'm safely out of their sight. when i can't leave the situation to my dad (experienced, patient, unlike me), i have to keep this huge poster smile on my face while saying things to try to make them buy without pressing the price any lower. and 15 mins ago i have spent a lot of my saliva dollars just to earn less than S$10 (not minusing cost price). but anyway i joked so much with them and made them so happy that they didn't haggle about the selling price. HEHEHEHE. =D
i extremely extremely appreciate my parents' hard-earned money. it's really earned with all sweat and all blood, day and night. and it makes me want to grow up faster and earn enough money for them and for myself. but here's the irony, i'm deathly afraid of becoming an adult, and it's not about fearing the physical aging process, but the great amount of responsibilities that will be thrown upon my shoulders. haha.
my cousin's fren said i look like i'm 23. 15 mins ago one of the customers didn't believe i'm (only) 18. he says i look like an adult already. (SHIT) do my battlescars show that much on my face, or in how and what i speak? dang. where did all of my childhood innocence go??? i'm supposed to be a teenager (hiks) looks like i skipped a level or two in this growing up game. Life has injected me with too much growth hormones and i'm quite sure i have a serious psychological complex or two, or more. i try not to let myself be overcome by the obstacles, but sometimes i fall down, and sometimes i feel tempted to just sit and cry at where i fell, like now. i'm beginning to understand what hatred means. Hatred does not mean an absence of love. True, deep-set hatred is caused by the absolute disappointment and betrayal of love. If we do not love a person, we will not have any deep hatred for that person no matter what wrongs that person have done. Conversely, when we love a person, the deeper the love we have for that person, the deeper we will hate that person when we are betrayed and our love disappointed. It's difficult to forgive the betrayal we suffer from a loved one, and the hatred nursed in our hearts only gets bigger, and bigger, and more destructive. and the question that's bugging me now, is how do i get rid of such a parasitic hatred?