prelims finally over!!! haha. time to move to the next step, a-levels!! =D haha.

anyway, i went out with my mum today after school. i'm so glad just to be able to spend time with her. it's so nice to just hold her hand and walk around, looking at things with her, sometimes through her eyes. it's fun to walk around boutiques with her coz she'll talk about how the clothes are made, how the fabric is cut and how to select the fabric to achieve a certain effect. going around with her does make me appreciate clothing and fashion stuffs a lot better. but i also see how my mum (and my dad) are really wonderful people. their sharpness, learning ability, motivation, and Love, are nothing short of amazing. having such little time to spend with them does make me treasure them more. to the extent that sometimes i selfishly want their company for myself and my sisters. i want to hug my father sooooo badly it hurts.

oh and my mum offered to teach me how to make clothing !!! after A levels, of course. haha. i took the offer up immediately, no doubt. haha. can save money. saving money is not only about not spending, but also about getting a thing that is needed and wanted for a reasonable price.

i want to learn to make things, i want to develop the artisitic side of me because i know it exists but underdeveloped. i think the art part of my brain is a lot smaller than the science part. sheesh. so i wanna learn chinese calligraphy, making clothing (i dun think i can design, just not artistic enough), cooking, jewelry-making in the next year or so. i dunno how far i can get, but i want to learn. and learning is always the first step, isn't it. haha. even if it doesn't turn out successful, if i can't tell a needle from a thread, a pan from a pot, it doesn't matter. coz i've tried to learn the best that i can, and if i dun get it it just means that i dun have it. can go on to find something else that i can do, knowing that the other tried-and-tested routes lead to a dead end. i need to find out more about myself and what i can do.

why is it so hard to keep to the decision made even though it is the best solution and the right thing to do.

Pearls streaming down the corners of lid-shut eyes,
Breathing in the bloody scent of a wrung heart.