so tired after 1 whole week of dealing with a certain swindler from the streets. just want to rest right now. feel like watching a really good comedy, to make me laugh again. each year, the world gets a shade darker and darker. then finally, one day, i can't see the world anymore. growing up this way is too painful. is there any explanation that i have to grow up in a most painful manner? i dun want to be mature anymore. someone take it away from me. i'd rather live in my own little heaven. maybe i should just be a sheltered kid and think that the world is nice and pretty. but then, even rainbows come only after the rain. just really really tired. my eyes are painful. been painful these 2 weeks. only to be told by my optometrist sister that my eyes are dry and tired. yeah, that's it, dry and tired. that's me. tears all dried up, none left for me to cry. eyes tired of looking into this world. maybe i should just become a buddhist nun in some temple up upon a hill. i should learn to meditate, or maybe have some out-of-body experience, to take me away from all of these ugliness. or perhaps i should just run away and live off dancing. become a wanderer like i've always been, and dance my life away. reminds me of The Red Shoes. should get a charmed pair of red shoes, put it on, and dance until it takes my last breath away. better than getting cheated, murdered, or die of some terminal illness. life has many exits, as the Duchess puts it. no no i'm not suicidal. just want to daydream about what are the impossible possibilities for me to escape from the world. maybe i should like die and be reincarnated as a Bhutanese, where my standard of living can be measured by Gross National Happiness, and not Gross Domestic Product, or whatever else they use to quantify standard of living with money, only money. sighs. money corrupts. power corrupts. but the source of all corruption is an evil heart, an evil mind.

i think the world would be a better place without humans. should just bring back the dinosaurs. let the world once again be filled jungle. let the animals roam free. maybe all i really want to do is just transform into a butterfly. let my life be short, but the cycle complete.