pointe! had my first pointe lesson today. it was fun! =DD stepped into another level of ballet. realised how heavy i am. i think my ankles and knees are going to break by my sheer body weight. it's time to shed some weight. haha. realised my toe pads are horrifying. can't even feel the floor, and it gets in the way of my toes when i point. sheesh. did some easy feats for the first lesson. rises, releves, courus. apparently my shoes keep buckling under. apparently my shoes break in faster than my feet are strengthening. can't really describe the magical feeling of being en pointe coz i'm way too tired today. haha. if you can walk en pointe, you can walk on any kind of shoes, however high the heels are.
it feels good to be en pointe. u grow taller! haha. coz if u go on full pointe, u can add the length of ur foot plus the base of the pointe shoes to ur height. so cool =)) i can be taller than my brother! hahaha. and though it's a little painful, it's quite fun really =D but the last thing i ever feel like en pointe is like those sylphides and floating spirits in Giselle or like the ballerina in my blogskin. ballet is all about illusions! be hypnotised..... hahaha. behind the prettiness and the glamour of it all, pointe shoes are kinda torturous... but seductively addictive =)) haha.
reminds me of the birthday gift that Kimberley gave me. she gave me her pointe shoes, on which she drew many many many meaningful things =)) i love u KIM!!!! =)) haha. opened the shoe box in which her pointe shoes were comfortably nestled in, and was so so so super touched i started crying. lol. too bad the shoes are too small for me, or i would have worn it today and make my frens laugh =D haha. it's the best pair of shoes ever! i shall train hard, and one day i'll be taking to the stage on my pointes =))
really can't wait for JC to end, so that i can dance every single day once again. so terrible, this torture that i'm going through. can hardly pull my battered body out of bed every morning. only the thought of the frens i love so dearly, could bring my feet to step into the menacing gates of the school. wish that i can filll this emptiness within... fill it with music and movement through time and space. wish that i could throw away my dancing shoes, and feel the ground with my bare feet. beginning to have doubts of my relationship with ballet. can it be, that it's too pretty, too beautiful, too hypnotical, for a lowly dancer like me to realise? if only i could be like Sylvie Guillem, using her traditional roots to explore the contemporary, as in Sacred Monsters. but i guess i can't do either. always drifting around, not knowing where i belong. feel like a rotting driftwood in a forsaken stream, corrupt with pollution and the junk mankind has left behind. have no idea the words that i'm typing, i guess they form themselves into words to be formed. sigh. when will i be revived? mixture of emotions rushing through my heart, like waves and currents in opposing directions. in the midst of it all, a lost soul.
last night i said to a friend, "i'm tired and stressed every day, it's just whether or not i choose to show it." how many people in the world are like me? are you one of the same kind? a world too mundane, too tiresome and too corrupted. flowers buried beneath the weeds. part the gruesome weeds with your bare hands, allow the flowers to blossom and spread beauty to all corners of the world. let's return to how the Earth is supposed to be. let's restore the natural order of things. stop fighting against it. make peace. make peace.
