Wednesday, July 18, 2007 @ 5:33 pm
here i am trying to conjure up something from thin air for PW. but miserably fail. sis just left for the airport to go to australia for further studies. probably won't see her for another 2 years. i have not dared to confront this thought/fact for a long long time. and i'm still putting it off. coz being the self-denial type of person that i am, my depression always comes one day late. and i shall still put it off, for now. my mum is real happy that one of her children is finally studying in university. UNSW is quite a reputable uni too (despite the whole UNSWAsia saga).
and now that my sis is finally going to Uni, and here i am, stuck in miserable JC life, mum just has to exert pressure at me. my home is a pressure cooker. i bet she's out to kill me. kill me by dumping all her hopes on me. like i'm some collector or a bin. she makes it seem like i get my results by sheer magic. she tells me to get good grades in the same tone she tells me to fetch a cup of water from the kitchen. and it's nowhere so easy, as EVERYONE else except her might have realised. i'm so tired of living under her pressure. so tired of having the whole family dumping their hopes on me, as if i'm some kind of fairy godsister/daughter who can grant every1's wish. SORRY. I HAVE MY OWN. i'm not gonna succumb to anyone else's wishes. i will not live or make decisions i'll regret anymore. i'll stand up and fight my ground. fight for my own life. i will not let anyone else take control of my life. i have given up enough. ENOUGH. and no matter what lousy freaking grades i have from CTs, i'll show you the most perfect A-levels cert you have ever seen.
people who truly succeed and get their wishes are those who fight for their own destiny. i'll be one of them. join the army.
thanks Ly, Xiaochen, Andrew, Shanshan for everything. thank goodness for all of you.
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community service day was so peculiar. still as messy as the past years' had been. but this year we get to interact with the people. was talking to this lady, Susan, who confided in me about many things. was very very surprised. coz i wouldn't talk to someone i barely knew for half an hour about things that are so personal. she asked spiritual and abstract questions that really scared me for a moment. i shan't list examples. but i don't know how on earth i managed to satisfy her questions with my equally abstract answers. but i believe she ended the trip with a happy smile on her face. it was super scary, but i guess, thank you LMCB for letting me bring happiness to another person's life =)
dunno since when did i pluck up the courage to sing in front/with my frens. was bored this morning while waiting for the arrival of the guests. so Ly, Yilin and I started singing songs. Ly told me i always remember the heartbreak or anti-love kind of songs. hahaha. Yilin and I concluded that love brings lotsa heartbreak, hence those songs. that song is still stuck in my head, Ly. "What do you get when you fall in love?" =P haha. i realised today that my voice is not as bad as i thought, or Ly and Yilin would have killed me for singing. besides, it's more fun than singing whatever songs they put on the songsheet. so here's another song lyric. by Selena. her most romantic and famous song is Dreaming of You, but this song is cool too. it's not a happy song. gonna be the next song that will be stuck in my head. don't kill me Ly =P
damn i want to learn Spanish >.<
I Could Fall In Love-- Selena
I could lose my heart tonight,
If you don't turn and walk away
Cause the way I feel I might
Lose control and let you stay
Cause I could take you in my arms,
And never let you go
I could fall in love with you
I could fall in love with you
I could only wonder how
Touching you would make you feel
But if I take that chance right now,
Tomorrow will you want me still?
(baby will you want me? )
So I should keep this to myself,
And never let you know
I could fall in love with you
(I could fall in love with you)
I could fall in love with you
And I know it's not right,
And I guess I should try
To do what I should do
But I could fall in love,
Fall in love, with you
I could fall in love with you
Siempre estoy soqando en ti
Besando mis labios, acariciando mi piel
Abrazandome, con ansias locas
Imaginando que me amas
Como yo podrma amar a ti
(translation:I'm always dreaming of you
Kissing my lips, caressing my skin
Hugging me with crazy longings
Imagining that you love me
The way that I could love you)
So I should keep this to myself,
And never let you know
I could fall in love with you
I could fall in love with you
I could fall in love, (fall in love)
I could fall in love, (fall in love) with you
I could fall in love with you.