Sunday, July 01, 2007 @ 9:50 pm
Great Expectations. only when i studied for Lit common test did i realise how beautiful the book is. this shows how much attention i've been giving my studies for term 2. haha. i love E. Lit. the nature of the subject is totally comforting. lol. lit lessons are the most comforting lessons, while GC the most fun (coz of the presence of my beloved friends).
I think Lit does people a great deal of good, especially emo people like me. was so depressed after reading Owen's war poems. kind of pity him for living in such a situation. then when i think further, so so many people are experiencing the same things that he did. which is why till today we're still studying his poems. it's moving really. so terrifying. reading his poems is so exhausting, coz his imagery is so vivid u kind of have no choice but to deal about his subject. and it's super depressing. ah wells. why am i talking about this.
my main point is about Great Expectations actually. after reading the first volume (haven't started on the 2nd and 3rd volumes), kind of thought about the Great Expectations all of us possess in our lives. whether it's the expectations we have for ourselves, or the expectations others have of us, we can't be rid of expectations.
my mum came to s'pore recently. she gave me encouragement (euphemism for pressure) to do well for CTs. and i realised that there's this vicious cycle. the more i prove my ability, the higher her expecations go, the higher the ability i show, the even even higher her expectations soar. sometimes i wonder, can i ever live up to her expectations? can i even live up to mine? after CTs, i told her that all of my papers are goners. i guess i disappointed her a lot. not that i can help it. i studied. maybe not as hard as many others, but it's my best really. and i guess i'm kinda disappointed with myself. haha. oh wells.
anyway, ballet yesterday was a miracle. haha. Ms Elaine introduced a new music for the port de bras to replace our original exam music. like the new music more than the exam music. somehow it feels much more natural and calm. the movement of the music is very calm, subtle, and very very relaxing. haha. it was very cool to dance to the music. very very cool. because because because, i felt i was interacting with the music. was extremely aware to the flow of the music, and what the music transmitted, i tried to dance it out. it was kind of a connection between dancer and music, something that i have never noticed before. except maybe during last year's Aristal for Anggun, i say it was my best performance (although the DVD didn't catch the parts i was dancing, but oh wells). yesterday was so so cool. that kind of feeling, like u're talking and communicating, relating and responding to the music u're dancing to. really felt like a miracle. and i think i unconsciously had a little smile on my face when i was dancing to that music. haha. but i guess my technique is not good enough, and will probably pale in shame to Stephanie's or Jeslyn's. here's a new term for me, "personal development". shall push myself further, to be better than myself. can't wait for the exam results to be released. i wanna know where i stand (or fall).
be brave.