Saturday, April 07, 2007 @ 11:49 am
decided to cancel my maths tuition which is supposed to happen this morning. as a result, i got a good long sleep before being rudely awakened by my sister at 10am coz she wanted me to get off the bed so she could wash the bedsheet. and today i could at least take a breather and do all my stuff at a slower pace. (actually now i'm supposed to be doing the 2nd draft of PI...)
u guys are right that i push myself too hard. i wonder why i'm torturing myself too... as a result i've become this horrific and irritating monster. that's why sometimes i want to be a bear (who is solitary) so that whatever bad stuff i do won't affect the people around me.
i really hate JC life. i see no point in this lecture-tutorial system. it SO doesn't help in learning. and i'm so sick of doing stuff for the sake of doing it. there's no more fervour as i absorb all the new knowledge forced down my throat (brain, actually). it seems so crazy and disgusting. no more freedom to explore knowledge on ur own. u're just limited to the stack of notes and tutorials. i can no longer do projects and go online to explore whatever stuff the subject has to offer. it's all just notes notes notes notes... so sick and tired.
and it doesn't help that i'm the only 02 person in my GP class. it totally sucks. the timetabling committee is mad. why the heck do they want to torture me like that? can't i be in the same class as the rest of my class? and my frens and i take different subject combinations such that we hardly meet anymore. maybe during lunch, but that's all. it's all so unsettling.
everyday, it seems like we're all rushing through time. there's no chance of slowing down to take a breather, and not even half an opportunity to slow down and smell the roses. it's crazy. there's no more quality of life. all of us are trapped in our invisible prisons. and for goodness sake, we're only 17!! life is so pathetic.
i was thinking last night that once i graduate from university, i'll move to another country. probably to the suburbs or even to a rural area, to enjoy peace and quiet and have time to myself and for others. i feel like abandoning my high-flyer dreams, and to live a simple and quiet life.
being a city-dweller is total torture. and the more advanced a place is, the worse the people are. everyone's so pragmatic and 'selfish'. even those charity organisations who claims to be kind and doing things for a good cause, are not any better. when we called this XYZ organisation with hearts full of compassion and good intention to help, they totally crushed it. don't anyone have a heart anymore? maybe they're made out of stone.
i can't wait till another huge meteor hits the earth and destroys the whole human population. i can't wait until the day i die and leave this horrible place of suffering. sucks to all of mankind with hearts of stone.