Saturday, March 24, 2007 @ 10:12 pm
went for hospice CIP today. guess i'm glad i went for it. it was pretty disturbing for some, but i believe it was a trip that all of us reaped a lot from. seeing people at the end of the journey, when the finishing line is right before their eyes, really injected some (more) deep thoughts into me. some of them chose to sit on their beds, staring into space and be unresponsive. although we tried to talk to them, they continued to stay silent. but in their eyes, i could see the resignation, the depression and an unspoken pain and suffering. some of them were, in contrast, a lot livelier and open. when we danced for them and gave them muffins and made the photo frames, u could see their face brighten up immediately, as if the shadow has been lifted from their faces. it was really heartening (i guess). i don't know how to describe my emotions exactly. it was just weird and difficult to sort. haha.
had a peek of how things are like at the end of the road. i guess things are so very emotional. guess that's when u finally realise what's the most important to u, that all the things that u have fought for all ur life are insignificant, and that what matters are those that u love. 'When you learn how to die, you learn how to live.'-- Tuesdays with Morrie. u'll be able to differentiate what is REALLY significant and what is not, what matters most and what should be forgiven.
and then, the thing about the impermanence of life and its fragility. it's like a china vase, really. so painstakingly created by the most skilled of all artists, with its pure white body and intricate drawings, it shines like a creation above all. but all it takes is just a nudge, for it to fall off its display shelf, and shatter into a million pieces. the price of beauty is fragility.
i think that santa claus must be the happiest fairytale character ever. imagine being able to spread joy and cheer to every adult and every child. imagine being able to ride flying reindeer and eating cookies and milk. even though he has to slide down chimneys and make toys all year round, i bet he lives the most fulfilling life of all. and even if he died, he would be forever remembered by the world and generations to come for all the kindness he had shared to the rest of the world. and i believe that it is the warm feeling that he gets from giving toys to children that allows him to be able to withstand the freezing North Pole. i would love to be Santa Claus (maybe just not as fat)
anyway, we might be starting on pointework this year. yeah man! whee!~ finally. pointe!!! yayye! may the blisters and corns spare my delicate feet! haha. can't wait to start. strengthening exercises for now, though. patience =) i still must find a way to strengthen my muscles. i must not let them degenerate into a blob of fats. NEVER.