Wednesday, March 07, 2007 @ 6:24 pm
oh no. i'm really addicted to chocolate. and the more i'm unhappy, the more chocolate i eat. since i came back from indo, i've eaten 20% of the chocolate in my fridge, plus lots and lots of other junk food that my sister buys. oh no oh no. bad bad me... but chocolate really does make u feel better. or so i guess. maybe it's the chewing that relieves ur stress.
went to practice ballet on my own just now. booked the badminton court and did my own revision. the stupid water cooler outside the court didn't work. i was dying of dehydration. i still feel a little dehydrated now although i've drank like 4, 5 cups of water since i came back.
practised for more than 1.5 hours. dancing alone is really different. although i was doing the dead old RAD syllabus, i wasn't stressed at all due to the absence of other people (ie. my teacher and my ballet classmates). felt a great sense of freedom. don't have to worry about being scolded about mistakes made. i can reflect about the mistakes i've made after the exercise, i can recall the expectations of the exercise before i execute it. i guess i'm a lot of an independent learner. although i still need teachers to guide me, but i learn better when i reason out and digest the lessons taught by my teachers on my own. that's why i love IP! =)
anyway, back to topic. dancing alone allow u to break free. u're not afraid of commiting mistakes, and u have the flexibility to mend ur mistakes and keep practicing till u get it. u'll be more aware of what mistakes u have made and how to correct them. it works much better this way, i guess. plus, u're free to experiment with ur own dance styles. in short, u can do anything u want! =) i believe i've learnt a lot dancing on my own than under the scrutiny of my ballet teachers. it's not that they're not good. in fact, they're fantastic teachers. but dancers, like all artists, need their own space and freedom. so yeah, i've found that space and freedom in the 1.5 hours of dancing in the badminton court alone.
for my dance of free movement, i took out my ballet shoes and danced barefooted. although i was exhausted by that point of time (BECOZ OF THE LACK OF WATER), i pushed myself to continue. i felt the floor beneath my feet. i felt a sense of grounding as i danced with bare feet, i felt that i am the one connecting the floor below and the ceiling above. also, i felt a fantastic sense of freedom. i danced in my own style-- the style that i love, with lots of eye contact with the audience (in this case the wall of the badminton court, but still...), with lots of exuberance bursting from my heart, and i could feel energy rushing through my limbs. that's true dancing.
i believe i need more of these solo dance practices. need the time when i can breathe and dance on my own, away from the world and be immersed in my own world. guess i'm booking the badminton court again soon =) and next time, i'll bring my own water bottle. i'm so NOT going to drink from the toilet tap.
actually, i can't wait for the exam to be over. it will be a great sense of relief. haha. okie, off to cook instant noodles for lousy dinner