Saturday, November 25, 2006 @ 10:06 pm
the paprika plant outside my house is growing so tall and the leaves are huuuge!!!! wonder when it's going to bear flowers or fruits. will be quite exciting to see the plant bloom and bear fruits, and we can pluck the bell pepper and make pizza! whee!~ =)
feeling pretty homesick lately. no, i'm so not going to regret i chose to stay in this island of singapore. my holidays so far, has had boring and exciting times. i guess it was pretty fulfilling. not fun, but yeah, fulfilling. but holidays are not as nice when ur parents are not with u. no1 to watch jackie chan reruns with on midnight tv, no1 to eat ice cream and wine with, no late night suppers, no brother's room to ruin, no parents' employees to mess and gossip with. such a weird holiday. not the 1st time i'm mentioning that i'm homesick, bet all of u are bored reading this. haha.
i'm grateful though, that we, all 6 of us, are able to sit around a table to have a family dinner together this year. it was when my dad came with my brother and cousins to singapore. the feeling was really like a dream coming true. i'm sooo thankful that my wish had come true at long last. it has been years since our last full reunion. even though we were together for only a week, i'm still grateful that all of us could be together, and not separated by thousands of miles and a whole stretch of vast seas.
sometimes, i feel the existence of my father seemed so surreal. it's like now you see him, now you don't. i see him less than 2 months a year, maybe about 6 weeks out of 48 weeks in a year. he's the greatest hero in my whole life, the one whom i respect the most. never seen another person as respectable as he is. he may have many flaws, but those flaws only showed his good character even more. but then, he only seemed like one of those movie stars in Hollywood. u know he exists, but u can only admire him from afar. at least u can watch those celebrities on TV or on those big silver screens. but i can only see my dad on photos that are taken a long long time ago, and i can only hear him on the telephone, and long-distance calls are expensive and u can't hear his voice clearly.
it sucks. this whole studying abroad thing, this whole independence thing, this whole homesick thing. so wad if i'm independent? so wad if i can cook my own meals, clear up my own mess, do all the housework and have my own discipline to study? so wad if i can pay the bills and write cheques and go to the doctor on my own? so wad if i have high average grades? so wad if i dance well for my performances? so wad? u know wad? sometimes i feel like an orphan. no parents during PTM. my sisters dun even bother to go for those PTM. no parents to sign consent forms. no parents' laps to lie my head on. no parents to kiss goodnight and hug to. no parents to quarrel with. no mum to go shopping with. no dad to eat ice cream and chocolate with. no brother to share his been-there-done-that experiences.
my parents ask me why i never describe my school life to them when my cousin can blab about every1 of her classmates to her parents. i never told them why. but i bet u know why. i just dun have that habit of describing my school life to them, becoz they're not with me most of the time!
of course, i never fail to be grateful to have a loving family and a caring circle of friends. i do count my blessings, but sometimes u can't help it, right? try spending 10 years away from ur parents most of the time. and these 10 years are the crucial 10 years of you trying to stretch from a little girl into a young lady. try that, and see how firmly you can stand on ur own 2 feet.