Tuesday, August 22, 2006 @ 11:38 pm
exasperation.
somehow, life is tiresome. not only do your days seem the same as yesterday and tomorrow, things just somehow lose their energy. even though u try to be optimistic and try to find good things, u just can't find much good. instead, things get ugly. and u get so desperate u can only find good in the littlest things, like flowers blooming and butterflies fluttering around. this is not necessarily appreciating the finer things in life, it's more of there's nothing much to appreciate in this monotony. or is it just my life?
and sadly, when u try to talk to people, they just don't get you. maybe u're speaking in alien language. like ASDFG@#%$SFDFGEasdsfahegdf . or maybe this is wad mr tan said about bad listeners. and where can i find a good listener? haha. listeners are such rare gems. and i can't seem to find a rare gem. maybe i should go to the diamond mines someday. but don't think i can find any diamond there either, given the bad luck that i have. haha.
oh wait, i guess i'm a high-maintenance kind of person, and not becoz people are bad listeners. so i shall blame myself for being unable to fend for myself. AWWWW.... SHO SADDDDD =(((( and another possibility is that i'm PMS-ing. all girls that have bad mood are pms-ing. not becoz they are truly upset. so u noe wad, just ignore those damn lot of emo girls.
forget it lar. the world is full of people who like u because they will give u some kind of advantage, but they kind of forget wad is called GRATITUDE and wad is called paying back. so much for gratitude. so much for 'friendships'. i'm disappointed in mankind and womankind. i'm going to get a dog once i grow up and earn enough money to have my own house. dogs are so much better than humans.
and do u realise that people only talk to u when they need u to help them do something? like doing a survey, or asking u to edit their essays, bla bla bla. how many actually ask how are you doing, and just call to say hi? of course before they ask a favour of you, they'll say. 'hey, how you doing?' u reply, 'i'm good. how are you?' and u reply in naive hope that they are actually concerned about you. and then they say, 'i'm fine too. can u do me a favour?' bla bla bla. i bet u know the rest of the story. i dunno if i should laugh or cry at these people. and i observed that these people are often those ex-classmates or acquaintances of yours who have conveniently added u on msn and u're conveniently online so they ask u for help. be smart, appear offline. i guess only gullible people like me appear online, giving such people a chance to take advantage of me.
WOOHOOOO. BLESS THE ACTION FOR SINGAPORE DOGS. BLESS CAT WELFARE SOCIETY. BLESS WORLD WILDLIFE FUND. BLESS GREENPEACE. CURSE FAKE-ASSES OF THE WORLD.
don't call me a pessimist. i USED to be an optimist, until living this life killed it. and there u go, pessimists roam by natural selection.
i miss elaine. i miss my dad. i miss ballet. i miss primary school. i miss being dead.
i wonder how i actually survived all these years. all these stuff had happened to me repeatedly, for so many years. and i'm still so damn stupid to remain kind and allow people to do these kind of stuff to me. i still try to believe that my friends would listen to me, even though i know they may not even be sincere. i hope that someone would come along someday, and become a true friend. although time and time again my hopes are dashed, and i see people making use of 'friendships', i still remain this way.
and u know what, i'm gonna remain this way till the day i die. becoz i still believe and i still hope. when that hope is gone, gone is my life. becoz without faith, one can't walk the earth. and it's so damn sad when ur heart turns into stone. unlike ice, stone is much harder to be melted. i'm not gonna let my heart turn into stone. it will remain this way becoz i want it to, no matter how many times this heart is stabbed and no matter how many times this heart bleeds. my heart will be full of holes and scars, but they mark my life and my journey.
it's good news that u know this. becoz i'm sure u are glad that u can use me for your own advantage and i will still allow u to. and the best thing is, u can repeat it all over again until the day i die. this machine will never ever spoil. unless this machine stops breathing, stops beating.
it is impt that u know who ur friends and enemies are. respect both. but when u are without friends, u know that u can always turn to yourself.
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I am whole on my own.
The world may leave me,
But I can stand on my own.
I may fall,
But I will get back on my feet.
I may cry,
But the tears will dry.
I am whole on my own.
Others may attempt to harm me,
But I'm strong
And I can stand on my own.
I may be disappointed,
But faith will always be with me.
I may be tired,
But I will be revived.
I am whole on my own.
I can stand up on my own.