Monday, September 20, 2004 @ 2:29 pm
filmed for choral night today.
went fine i think.
i only laughed while acting here and there. lousy me.
wadeva.
english one, i think i was too exxagerating.
but of coz, the others did fine.
sooo
everything is fine.
i think we'll get in for at least one ba.
dunno.
for the next 1/2, i'll be typing in a very very small font.
dun blame me. u have the choice to not read the rest.
i wun kill u for not reading aniwae.
for those who insists on reading, too bad. dun scream if ur eyes go kuku.
recently found myself a bit sok.
not only am i laffing for no apparent reason,
i found that i'm a big fat liar.
i lied to others, and to myself.
and i dun quite understand myself.
i clearly told myself (and my mum) that i wun pursue dance as my career.
and then, i sacrifice so much.
i am willing to risk my ankle and a severely bleeding feet for a pair of pointe shoes.
all becoz i want to join SYF in njc nxt year. the tchr said yeah, if u r en pointe, u'll surely be in syf.
so, there it is.
then, mum told me to give up grade syllabus.
i refused to.
she asked, why? what for.
suddenly, i am at a loss for words.
then she continued, u want to be a ballet teacher.
and it occured to me that yes, i do want to be a ballet teacher.
then she asked, wad abt ur career?
i didn't say anyth and she went on...
sometimes i really dun understand myself.
i promised that i wud nv give up my ambition.
yet, i am submitting wad some1 has told me to do.
i'm tired. no, i'm not tired of living and wanting to die and all.
i'm not suicidal okay.
juz that i'm tired of fighting against all the obstacles.
sorry for making u squint ur eyes...